As I sip on my daily cup of comfort (black tea with a splash of milk), I stare out into the field from my tiny home, watching the snow slowly fall to the ground and I decide I need to write. Perhaps writing will help make meaning from what I cannot comprehend. I am days away from preaching at a ski resort chapel nearby and I am deeply contemplating what I will speak on as my heart, mind, and soul swirl from the events of the last week~the timing sends questions that I cannot answer. Another sip, another flake falls, and I wonder and continue to wonder. My being is deeply contemplating a reality so many of us are faced with but this time, it has come close. It is a choice my dear friend is making, she is choosing to die sooner than her body has failed. ALS is slowly capturing her physical vessel and I can’t imagine what this last year has been like for her. I simply can’t imagine. In my heart and soul, I’m resisting and praying for a different outcome and yet, we are graciously given the right to choose, and I also choose to honor her in the choice she may make soon. There’s not an hour that goes by lately, that my friend Joanne, doesn’t come to mind. And then I wonder… what does the name Joanne mean? After a simple search, my breath is slowed… Joanne is a Hebrew name, Yochanan ~ “God is gracious.” And under my breath, I pray… Dear God, please be gracious.
We, Joanne’s master swim friends, were planning a Celebration of Life with her present. Our goal was to do our best to express our deep love for her and to uplift her in every way we could think of. Days leading up to the Celebration, I continually saw a picture in my mind that I knew I was suppose to paint. I tried to figure out how I could find the time to learn how to paint a mermaid and a bicycle that I’ve never painted before and as I procrastinated, the picture came to mind over and over and over again, day after day and I was reminded that being an artist at the mercy of God’s call is for moments in life like this. So I ushered myself to the studio on the Sunday afternoon before the Celebration. Once I committed to the process of putting together something with little time, I thought a small canvas made sense. But, this work, had to be painted on a large canvas ~ after all Joanne’s presence and life has been large in so many of our lives.
Three days later we gathered in Mermaid & Hobo style (6:45 am) for Joanne’s Celebration of Life where several of us spoke and I got to present the painting to my dear friend and her first words were, “ohhhh I love that she’s topless!” I laughed with joy because as I knew a top didn’t belong on her… I know how Joanne loves to feel free! As I stood before her as she sat up comfortably in a lounge chair with her sweet, kind, smile, I spoke the following words to her with friends listening on …
It’s not every day you meet a human who makes you feel like you belong…who’s warm smile ignites your heart and you are left with an imprint that bleeds kindness. She’s someone who makes you believe in the sweetness of humanity…how God intends for His creation to belong and love one to another.
Joanne ~ You are a woman who has inspired me. You have inspired us. You are a woman who reminds me to dream and throw caution to the wind. You are a woman who has dared greatly and adventured boldly. And you are a woman who has loved deeply.
Thank you for your smiles, your kindness, your welcoming and companioning. Thank you for giving us the gift of walking alongside you during this season; your openness and vulnerability draws us close and reminds us of the beauty of friendship.
As I’ve been wrestling with saying goodbye… I found myself at my easel with my paints who are often a solace for my grief and a trumpet for my joy. They held space for me to paint what God continued to bring to my mind over these last few days. Though I protested silently in more ways than one knowing that I have never drawn nor painted a mermaid nor a Brompton bicycle but then I thought, who cares, God is with me and I embraced the uncomfortable as you so graciously inspire us to do. On Sunday I took myself to my studio and God helped me paint a scene that I hope makes you smile. It may not be typical for an artist to paint a new subject for the first time on a large canvas and present it in front of a group of people to see it but the process reminds me of you Joanne. You are atypical ~ a special woman who loves deeply and who is deeply loved and who makes us brave and even comfortable in our vulnerabiility.
I painted and prayed while listening to classical music and an old hymn … I didn’t follow all the rules of color or value or light… this painting is not about making sense, it is about welcoming, accepting, honoring, and remembering what has been, what is, and what is to come. It’s not a work of pragmatic art but rather it’s my soul and imagination joining with you.
May you encounter God’s deep love for you as you ride toward the sun. May the waters around you overflow as you transition from fields of gold, flowers of joy, mountains and trees to encountering the fullness of all creation.
The flowers are daisies, poppies, cosmos, and sunflowers - they represent the garden that blessed your heart every time you walked out in your yard. The Brompton is the bike that took you far and wide throughout the globe and every Brompton I see will remind me of you, for you are the first person I ever met who owned such a bike ~ a bike collapses and travels! Who knew?! I’m sure you noticed she has no top on representing your free spirit and one who is always game for a skinny dip! I figured, sometimes a lady just needs to let it all hang out! But in case you’d rather be covered, I brought my paints and will be happy to put a top on her, at your request. (She cheerfully denied!)
The painting was inspired by a picture God brought to mind and subsequently inspired by the hymn, Oh the Deep Love of Jesus by Samuel Francis.
Oh-oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Vast unmeasured, boundless, free
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me
Underneath me, all around me
Is the current of His love
Leading onward, leading homeward to
Thy glorious rest above
Oh-oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
'Tis a heav'n of heav'ns to me
And it lifts me up to glory
For it lifts me up to Thee
Oh-oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Spread His praise from shore to shore
How He loveth, ever loveth
Changeth never, nevermore.
I love you, we love you. It’s not easy to say goodbye.
Buddha once said, “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” Joanne your shadow will not leave our hearts.
When I was finished speaking, I handed her the paper with my words written on it which included the following P.S.
P.S. Several weeks ago, there were two stories that came to mind the day I had lunch with you. It didn’t feel right to share them that day but if you are curious, they’re from Luke 8:40-48; 7:36-50. May the healing be true for you as it was for these two women who also suffered in their own way…
A DEEPER LOOK INTO THE ART
The following is written in present tense because Joanne is still with us as I write this post.
The painting had to include the elements Joanne so dearly loves ~ water that she loves to swim in…trees that she loves to hike and ride her bike near… flowers that represent her garden that she tends so faithfully every summer… the sunset and sky that she often gazes up at with a heart so full of gratitude… her Brompton bicycle that is her favorite mode of transportation. The roots of the trees symbolize the interconnection of our lives ~ for we are all born one to another and whether Joanne is here with us physically or not, we will always be connected to her gracious, kind, & loving heart. She is a part of us and even death cannot change that. The path represents a prayer-filled transition for my friend. The path closest to the viewer is metallic copper - a metal often used metaphorically in the Bible representing prosperity, divine blessing, judgment, and strength. The path transitions to gold as she rides through the water, symbolizing the pure cleansing water brings. The path of gold makes me think of all the times (nearly 400) gold is mentioned in the Bible representing wealth, prosperity, sacredness, and purity. The deep symbolism of gold in the Bible reiterates the connection between our physical world and spiritual realities. The path leads to the sun as God’s love can lead us to His Son… “Everyone who calls on the name of Jesus will be saved”(Ro. 10:13). On the horizon is a thin silver lining representing hope. The painting has been a gift to my friend and a way to make meaning and process the choice she is intending to make so, with love and grace, I say. May you ride to the sun/Son my dear friend Yochanan.
I sign every painting with a Hebrew word, “hesed” which means a love that is kind, merciful, faithful, generous, unrelenting, pursuing, a covenant kind of love. Believing and receiving hesed may be one of the hardest things we do in life. It is a reminder that there is a God above who loves fiercely and there is nothing we can do to lose His love.
At Joanne’s request, we have respected her last days to be reserved for time with her family. She plans to end her time on this earth on Friday, February 7, 2025. It is with a heart of sorrow, hope, and deep love that I post this. And I will do what I often do when I feel complicated… I will soak in music that helps ground me, perhaps this song can ground and bless you as well. Highlands (Song of Ascent).
